Friday, 22 August 2008

Is There Someone Else Up There We Can Talk To?

(The Battle for Alterac Valley has begun!)

(The valiant Alliance forces ride south to Frostwolf Keep.)




"... hello?  Who is it?"

"It is King Bronzebeard, and these are my officers of Stormpike.  Whose keep is this?"

"This is the keep of my master General Drek'Thar."

"Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Blue with a sacred quest.  If he will give us food and rested XP for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Honor Token."

"Well, I'll ask heem, but I don't think he'll be very keen.  Uh, he's already got one, you see."

"... What?"  "He says they've already got one!"  "... Are you sure he's got one?"

"Oh yes, it's-a very nice!  (I told them we already got one!)  (sniggers)"

"Well... erm... can we come up and have a look?"

"Of course not!  You are Dwarvish-types!"

"Well what are you, then?"

"I'm an Orc!  Why do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly king?!"

"What are you doing in Alterac?"

"Mind your own business!"


"If you will not show us the token, we shall take your keep by force!"

"Youuuu don't frighten us you Dwarvish barstools!  Go and boil your bottoms you hairy subterranean wombats!  I blow my nose at you so-called Magni King; you and all your silly Stormpike hhhhhhofficers!"

/target King Magni Bronzebeard



"What a strange person..."

"Now look here, my good man..."

"I don' wanna talk to you no more you... empty-headed animal food-trough water!  I /fart in your general direction!  Your captain is a hamster, and your daughter smells of elderberries!"


"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"

"Uh, no; now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"Now, this is your last chance.  I've been more than reasonable..."

[Orcish] "Fetch the Tauren."

[Orcish] "Huh?  More work?"

[Orcish] "Fetch the Tauren!"

"...if you do not agree to my commands, then I shall..."

(Boing!)  /moo


(Sound of a Tauren landing on a heavily laden gnome, quite possibly causing severe bodily injuries.)




(Sound of Blizzards, Rain of Fire, Frost Traps, Snake Traps, Consecrates and lots and lots of belligerent orcs chopping up the Alliance offensive as it pours into the narrow path into the keep.)

"A.F.K!  They're turtling!"

This really happened the other day.  Granted, it may not be exactly word-for-word correct, but that was the general gist of it.

Every AV game I've played has been about the offense.  We rush to Vanndar, they rush to Drek'Thar; whoever kills 'em first wins.  But the other day was the first time I'd ever seen the Horde turtle.

To be honest, the offensive games are a bit boring.  We take some ground, we lose a little, we take some back... the majority of the fighting basically boils down to running into the fray and trying not to die really, really fast to AoE.

This time, I randomly decided to go on defense (I tend to split it 70/30, with the 70 being me going on offense.)  A scant few followed me in to the keep, and I dutifully set my trap and flare down and waited.  As time went on and the Alliance forces began engaging the Horde stragglers, taking graveyards on the way, more and more Horde started coming to my side of the battlements.

By the time our last tower outside the keep fell, I'd say about 25% of our forces were on defense inside the keep itself, with most of the others fighting scattered battles outside.

Wave after wave came at us.  Rogues kept sneaking past and trying to cap the relief hut, or take out the two towers either side of the gate, but we kept pushing them back out.  Eventually, they forced almost the entire Horde army inside the gates.

For a while, it was nail-bitingly close.  I don't think we were more than 40 or 50 reinforcements ahead of the Alliance.  And then the worst happened.

They summoned Ivus.

Now, I don't play a lot of AV.  I've certainly never seen the elemental dudes spawned.  So I was under the somewhat erroneous impression that Ivus was our guy.  I rode out to see him flatten the Alliance forces.

"Oh crap.  Giant, angry tree.  Run away.  Very fast.  Entire Alliance army behind him.  He has a 3-stack of Lifebloom.  We're boned."

But someone had a plan.  Not, on face value, a very good plan.  "Kite him to Drek!"  This, to me, seemed like a fairly iffy plan; wasn't that what the Alliance was trying to do?

But kite him they did, with the sea of red text charging behind him.  I put down a Frost Trap; I really can't say whether it helped or not.

Into Drek's room he went.

And then the Alliance made a horrific mistake.

I don't know what happened, but from where I was standing, it looked like they waltzed into Drek's chamber and started breaking out the celebratory crackers and cheese, patting themselves on the backs for a job well done.

They didn't appear to notice the Horde forces standing in the middle of the room turning their healers into smears on the wall.  They just stood there while we tore them apart.  And with their healers toast, we turned on Ivus.

Incidentally, Drek makes an awesome tank for a Shammy.

And Ivus went down.  All that effort, and we just creamed him.

At this point, the Alliance went limp.  I killed a priest outside the keep who just stood there and took it.  I think I might have gotten a point in 1H Sword skill.

Then we rode out of the keep, took back our graveyard thankyouverymuch, and won by a fairly considerable margin.

It was the damn longest AV I've ever been in, but it was an absolute blast.

And you know what made it all the sweeter?


Toque said...

In my battlegroup there is generally a fair amount of co-operation and strategy going on in AV (not a great amount, since its a pug with no personal responsibility) at least on the alliance side.

About half the raid are nubs who don't know anything or don't want to know. They all pile down to RH killing Galv on the way. Following the largest group of people. Which is great, they're totally doing their job.

The other half is made up of veterans that understand AV a lot more, and they're out taking and gaurding towers and graveyards and defending/retaking bunkers.

It works great and alliance is very dominant in AV (only AV). Until the horde turtles.

When the horde turtles the same 20 nubs end up continually running back from the graveyard in 2s and 3s straight into the waiting arms of all 40 horde. and doing it again. and again. until alliance loses from attrition.

Half the vets are yelling orders and laying blame, and the other half just decide to go with it and farm honor kills.

So if I were horde in our BG, i'd recommend turtling each time.

Awesome AV story btw.

Brandon Tilley said...

Awesome reference :) One of the best movies evar!!

loronar said...

There's something funny about the way Gold Medallions are being handed out. I won about 10 AVs over 3 days but did not get a medallion because they were those AVs where you rush the generals. The one day I had an AV that we had to really fight for was the time I finally got my Spirit of Competition. I guess you really have to do something that's worth the name.

Very exciting story indeed.

Kestrel said...

HAH! I don't care how many times I read/see/hear it, that bit from Holy Grail never fails to crack me up.

Good job!

(Filthy Horde ALWAYS win turtles.) :(

David said...

Where did you go?

Gretadelle said...

why don't you post anymore?

thanks for your comment answering all my hunter 3.0 questions